Today is my Dia-versary

November 25th, 2011

Today is my Dia-versary, and in case you didn’t know it’s also Black Friday. How fitting… haha.

My diagnosis was on November 25, 2000 at precisely 11:10am. How do I remember this? Because right before the doctor came into the office I looked at my watch to see what time it was. It’s funny the little things you remember.

It’s now 11 years later and the sting of my diagnosis is still there. People believe that you can live well with diabetes. I believe that myself, sometimes. Other times I just sit there and think about all of the worst case scenarios and the numbers that constantly circle around inside my head. It consumes me and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Why can’t I get my shit together? In 11 years I still can’t get over the fact that my life is different and that I have to take insulin and count carbs and worry about lows and highs every day of my life. I don’t know how to make peace with it.

At times I just pretend like I don’t have diabetes at all. I want my life to go back to the days before my diagnosis. Back then, my biggest concerns were what outfit I was going to wear or if I was going to sleep in that day.

There are days when I don’t want to think at all. I just want to go to bed and not have any thoughts. I want to be completely relaxed and not have any worries about if I am going to make it through the night or not. Or if diabetes retinopathy will take my vision away because my blood sugar is high or the other complications that may occur over my lifetime.

The things that get me through are days like this. The day I was diagnosed because let’s be honest I could have been dead. I think I was untreated for a long time before I even had the courage to go to the doctor.

I try so hard to help others and advocate for this disease but never practice what I preach. I am always focusing on what could happen to me, why are my numbers so high? why can’t I get my a1c down? Why me?

All I can do is try to be better, right? I know I have a problem of skipping boluses or forgetting to check my blood sugars because I just don’t want to deal with it. And I am trying to fix that.

It’s all I can do.

 

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9 Responses to “Today is my Dia-versary”

  1. Pearlsa Says:

    Happy Dia-versary and Thanksgiving. Trying to be better is all we can be I know about forgetting to check blood sugar and missed boluses.

    I take it one test at a time, one bolus at a time. If not it all get too over whelming.

  2. Captain Glucose & Meter Boy Says:

    It’s two, two, two holidays in one. Eleven years is a long time to have to fight this insidious disease that makes us all realize we are less than perfect when trying to wrangle it. There is a lot to be thankful for this time of year and it’s also important for you to consider your incredible successes. Not the least of which is creating “The Diabetes Resource”…because of that, and not just at Thanksgiving, there are a lot of people who you have helped and are THANKFUL that you work so hard for your fellow PWD.

  3. Gina Says:

    Thank you so much that means a lot to me!

  4. v6shell (jeff) Says:

    Happy Diabetes Anniversary to you, Gina! Here’s to the every-minute-of-every-day tries. Turning them into DOs may not always work like we want, but I figure each effort has its own rewards. So, here’s to celebrating each & every victory no matter how small it might be (cause they all add up)! :)

    FWIW, this seems to work for me (even though I know I could do a lot better at managing my own D-Beastie here).

  5. Andrea Says:

    G-
    I dont think you realize how many people you help with all that you do- I know everyday is a challenge for you, but dont underestimate your strength- XOXO

  6. Scott S Says:

    Happy (belated) diaversary. It seems hard to believe its been over a decade already! The years literally melt away (I’ve got 35 years on me, so I think I can speak from experience on this issue).

  7. Julia Says:

    You have done so much for others…. thinking particularly of your putting together chats with Diabetes Researchers and your campaign to make cgms available to all… It’s time to take care of yourself first. Put your D Care first… D Care always comes first in our house; it’s what we have taught our DD since she was diagnosed at 8. She is so responsible now; rarely forgets to bolus, and checks BS constantly. Guess what? Her numbers are still crappy a lot of the time. Stop blaming yourself for this disease. A lot of it is not in our control…. kills me to say this, but I have been forced to admit it. Test often, respond to the numbers by correcting with carbs or sugar and move on until the next reading. If second reading is high or low add the appropriate temp plus or minus basal and adjust up or down at the next reading. Life is lived as normal as possible in between those two to three hour increments. It does not take long to deal with things, but you can never forget. Set timers, vibrating alarms, whatever reminds you and just forget about it until the next reading. If wearing cgms, you can take action sooner and can’t really forget about D at all… but still try to put D back in its background place. Kind of like computer graphics where you send one shape into the background and push one shape forward. I know some day we won’t have to micromanage days like this. Some day. D is a heavy burden for children and young adults; too heavy to carry at times. Re the A1cs, do the best you can. Stop blaming yourself. Just resolve to bolus before eating from now on; make that one thing a priority. Bolusing before eating can be made a habit. That habit alone will bring your A1c down. Then identify the next habit you need for better control. 20 minutes exercise a day, perhaps. Tackle that one. On to the next. But don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good. Put your energy into your D care first; life a close second. But although D is always in the background, you only have to push the shape forward for minutes each time you deal with it; then you can push the shape goes into the background again. And most of life is still lived while D is in the background. It’s a few minutes every two or three hours.

  8. Jan E Says:

    Hi everyone, this is a first blog for me. Ihave been a type one for 58 years and things have gotten easier over the years, you wouldn’t believe how we used to check our sugar level, try cooking urine with copper and sulfer in a test tube and then adjusting insulin according to how much sugar spilled into our uring, the person who developed air wick must have been a diabetic. One very important you must remember is that all diabetics are individuals and as much as our doctors would like to put us in a neat little box, we don’t always fit. You have to find your own comfort zone a place where your numbers fit. the numbers given are just a guide line. find your own place. Hope this helps. In the grand scheme of things, this is by far not the worst disease in the world ..

  9. Lynette R Says:

    Stay strong Gina! You’re an inspiration to all of those that have been diagnosed more recently.

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